Alone

Her heart is falling to pieces as the texts sprint back to her phone. Sorry, sorry, sorry, they all said; Excuses, Excuses. No one to complain about it to. School overcomes all. Nothing to help you break lose. Friendships built stronger than the materials trying to create the new. It's not as easy as it looks to create a new relationship that will be worth while. Kindergarten decisions to link arms with others and call those people friends are not possible.

Alone. Stuck in this world where you must try hard as you can to do something that can take little effort from others. The same situation as when you're dating and you lose their heart. It takes effort to not cry in front of them and its one of the hardest things you have ever done. Would you understand me? Do you understand me? I am alone. You are too. Stop being a faker and staying with the past and see what is right in front of you and has been here the entire time. I will be your hero.

Friends are the most important thing in life. If you don't have them, you consider yourself an outsider. You sit by yourself at lunch and feel trapped in a box. Other people don't give a shit. They wont talk to you or even look at you and when they do its to tease you. A feel like falling down a hole and staying there forever sensation. Live in there forever and never come out. That's how I truly feel. An outcast on the edge of total insanity. Just look at yourself in the mirror and wondering if that person is you.

Your Decision

Summer days returning into a world full of rain and flowers popping up through the grounds and making their appearance to the outside world. It may not be the time where the sun beats down on the earth, drying up the water and increasing the humidity. It may not be the time when white crystallized specs fall from the dark clouded sky onto the grass that is trampled and stomped on by kids in large boots rolling around making snow angels. Now is the month of Maying and the world is transforming into the beautiful summer than is soon to come in the next month.

 You've heard the saying "April showers bring May flowers." Well, in the Northwest, that is not exactly true. The saying is killed, by me, to create a saying that all Northwest folks will believe.

"April showers bring torrential May downpours." 

With a capital H-I-M

A fushia sunset lay like a painted portrait on the wavy horizon. The warm sea breeze blew and flipped my hair back and forth across my face. The long white summer dress lay stuck to my skin as my cardigan bounced up and down. The sand was still warm from the sun and the smell of the campfire was stonger than the smell of the water that rose up higher and higher with every step I took. Jabbing my toes on rocks every couple steps, I sprinted over to the rock wall where Elliot said he would meet me tonight at eight thirty.

I checked my phone. Seven twenty-six, it read, flashing bright pink colors on my screen. The nervousness started to build in my stomach. Butterflies flew and crashed into the walls of my soul leaving me to almost faint under the instense pressure. My eyes were nearly shut as I squinted to see the beautiful sunset. The seagulls called overhead and the waves crashed against my feet. Seven thirty exactly, the phone buzzed. He had texted me. The message read: Turn around, walk four steps toward the water and look down.

The messaged left me puzzled for a few moments until I read it over a few more times. I turned to the water which almost touched my feet. I waded into the water as I pulled my dress up. One, two, three, four step and then look down. I followed the directions. Shinning bright in the water was a silver pin. My eyes started to tear up. I reached down carefully and grabbed it out of the water. It was small, round, and diamond studded. Engraved around the circle I said: I love you, Elliot. Tears rolled from my eyes.

Elliot walked up behind me and grabbed me around the waist. Without saying one word, He grabbed the pin and attached it to my dress, right where my heart is. I grabbed his neck and smiled happily. We stood there for a few moments, his hand on my heart and my hand on his. I wrapped my arms around his neck. He was calm and relaxed. He grabbed my neck and pulled me close. That kiss sent sparks flying in every direction. The water boiled underneath us as the intense heat of love left our minds spinning in circles in the wavy water.
Pinned, but only pinned until next year. I owe it all to him, with a capital H-I-M.

Is this ok?

I've been thinking about him lately. His eyes have left a permanent scar in my soul that will never go away. The way he looks at me leaves me falling week in the knees and the hopes I will eventually be with him overcome my body. You know what type of man he is. Ignoring all flaws leaves you falling victim to fantasies that never break free. I constant state of harmony never lets you see the real him, when the real him is running free in his own, other, fantasy. Is that ok?

I walked into the classroom, a free spirit minding her own business. I sat down in my seat and got myself comfortable. I quick scan across the classroom led me to find he wasn't sitting where he normally would be. He sat there being the hog of my attention, while myself was being the ghost of his imagination. Only a few feet away, yet so far away from the relationship that I wished would have started when I first said hello. Stopped dead, my heart wasn't beating when he looked at me and noticed I was staring at him. I couldn't bare to look away, but if I kept looking at him, he would think strange of me. Heartstrings being ripped to shreds as he gives me an awkward but evil glare and points to me. Laughter breaks out across the room and a state of humiliation left my face flushed and my eyes tearing up.

A ran from the class into the hallway. I slid down the lockers and dropped my head to my knees. Nothing could make that moment better. Obviously, He wouldn't let me live this down ever and the embarrassing fact I ran would make the humiliation even worse. I could imagine the next day on the bus when he would get on and sit next to me and start laughing his head off, burp in my face, tease me more, and then go and sit with his buddies. I would probably laugh but then when I get off the bus, I would cry. Crying tears, buckets of tears, would help me for a while, but the mere fact that he would do anything like that in the first place would break my heart.

Of course, like many girls out there, you would still like him. Its difficult to not like him. You still picture him as the fantasy guy, wrapping his arms around your waist, brushing your hair to the side and kissing you. You will basically always think of him like that, but in real life, he is just a jerk. A boy, obbsessed with the sexual side of relationships, teasing girls, judging girls by how they look and not by personallities, all guys will be this way until they mature enough to understand the consiquences of their actions. Both of you will go on living you're lives and if he really is a good guy, he will say he is sorry. If he repeatedly teases you or never says he is sorry, he is not the guy you wanna be with.

(Relationship tip #1: If the guys a total douche, don't like him, even though its hard to not like a guy once you've started.)

The fact that I like him will still be etched into my memory, but I must move on. This is not ok.....