Is this ok?

I've been thinking about him lately. His eyes have left a permanent scar in my soul that will never go away. The way he looks at me leaves me falling week in the knees and the hopes I will eventually be with him overcome my body. You know what type of man he is. Ignoring all flaws leaves you falling victim to fantasies that never break free. I constant state of harmony never lets you see the real him, when the real him is running free in his own, other, fantasy. Is that ok?

I walked into the classroom, a free spirit minding her own business. I sat down in my seat and got myself comfortable. I quick scan across the classroom led me to find he wasn't sitting where he normally would be. He sat there being the hog of my attention, while myself was being the ghost of his imagination. Only a few feet away, yet so far away from the relationship that I wished would have started when I first said hello. Stopped dead, my heart wasn't beating when he looked at me and noticed I was staring at him. I couldn't bare to look away, but if I kept looking at him, he would think strange of me. Heartstrings being ripped to shreds as he gives me an awkward but evil glare and points to me. Laughter breaks out across the room and a state of humiliation left my face flushed and my eyes tearing up.

A ran from the class into the hallway. I slid down the lockers and dropped my head to my knees. Nothing could make that moment better. Obviously, He wouldn't let me live this down ever and the embarrassing fact I ran would make the humiliation even worse. I could imagine the next day on the bus when he would get on and sit next to me and start laughing his head off, burp in my face, tease me more, and then go and sit with his buddies. I would probably laugh but then when I get off the bus, I would cry. Crying tears, buckets of tears, would help me for a while, but the mere fact that he would do anything like that in the first place would break my heart.

Of course, like many girls out there, you would still like him. Its difficult to not like him. You still picture him as the fantasy guy, wrapping his arms around your waist, brushing your hair to the side and kissing you. You will basically always think of him like that, but in real life, he is just a jerk. A boy, obbsessed with the sexual side of relationships, teasing girls, judging girls by how they look and not by personallities, all guys will be this way until they mature enough to understand the consiquences of their actions. Both of you will go on living you're lives and if he really is a good guy, he will say he is sorry. If he repeatedly teases you or never says he is sorry, he is not the guy you wanna be with.

(Relationship tip #1: If the guys a total douche, don't like him, even though its hard to not like a guy once you've started.)

The fact that I like him will still be etched into my memory, but I must move on. This is not ok.....